I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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