Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
