i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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