If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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