i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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