twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
