literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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