So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
