Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
