I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
