I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
