Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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