Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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