Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
