There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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