i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
