Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
