never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
