Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
