Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
