I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My vagina is officially offended.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
