sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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