The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
