ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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