I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
