We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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