worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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