uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I need a burrito and a hug.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
