the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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