my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I would fuck him just for his dog
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
