epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
