then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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