Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
