I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
