I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
