Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
