sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
