He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
