I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
