I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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