Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
