so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
