highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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