the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
