I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
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Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
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i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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