all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Randomize
