Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
