he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
