I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
