Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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