Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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