Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
