if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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