my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
