Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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