New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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