when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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