he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
