Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
