There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
