I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
