Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
