i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
