ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
