I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
