No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
