My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
