you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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