My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dude i'm inner monologue high
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
a search helicopter?!
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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