saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
