I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
