the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
