Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
