I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
