take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
