Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
